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avatar pepsi_fish 8 day.ago

Two young brothers are talking in their room upstairs

"It's time we started swearing like adults." says the older brother. "Let's go downstairs for breakfast, I'm going to say something starting with an 'f', you say something starting with an 's'." Sure enough, they go down to the kitchen where their mother is waiting for them. "What would you like for breakfast?" "For fuck's sake, I want some cereal!" says the older brother. He barely finishes his sentence, his mother slaps him, kicking his butt back to the bedroom. Annoyed, the mother comes back to ask the younger sibling. "So what'll you have?" "Well shit, definitely not cereal."

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1. Now that the Pope has passed away, what happens next?

A new one popes up.

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3. Why doesn't it hurt if someone throws a can of Coke at your head?

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Someone commented "I completely agree". I replied back "Hi completely agree. I am Mo".

5. I applied to be the next pope

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6. Back in the glory days of the Roman Republic they had six Vestal Virgins who served the goddess Vesta.

One year several of them died of a plague, and it was essential that the number be brought back up to 6 so the various rites could be performed lest the Republic fall. Once the plague was over riders were sent to the four directions of the wind plus two to find replacements who had been born at the same moment the previous vestal virgins had died. When the riders returned they found they’d had brought back one too many. The recruits drew straws and the one with the short straw was free to go her way. But now here she was hundreds of miles—sorry, thousands of stadia—from home, with nothing to do. Being an enterprising young thing she started an olive oil company and grew it into the largest woman-owned business in the whole Republic. She sold only first-pressed, cold-pressed oil. People loved it and she named her company “Extra Virgin Olive Oil."

7. What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?

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8. What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather; kinky is using the whole chicken.

9. How do you make a waterbed bouncier?

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10. Last year I shared my favorite joke on my Cake Day. This year I'll share my second favorite.

There are two chickens standing on the side of the road pecking around for food. Chicken 1 asks chicken 2, "what do you think is on the other side of the road" Chicken 2 looks over, shrugs and says "who knows. But if you're interested why don't you walk over there and see" Chicken 1 decide this is a good idea and wanders over. When she gets there she looks around a bit and starts scratching and pecking around. After a few minutes chicken 2 looks across and yells out "hey! So? What's on the other side of the road?" Chicken 1 looks back at her companion, tips her head to one side and shouts back "you're on the other side!"

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